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Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work |
by:
Rachelle Arlin Credo |
Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I am currently living one. You watch other couples walk downstreet hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., everyday and you can't do anything but envy them. So how canlong distance relationship work? How can you keep on loving someone if you can't even see them?
The answer is...it depends on how much you want it to work. True love can overcome any odds thrown in its path if you want it bad enough. Soquestion is, how do you do it? Well, I do not think that anyone knows exactly how to make it work, but I can certainly provide some points on making it work.
one. COMMUNICATION iskey.
In every relationship, whether near or far, if communication is taken for granted, it can causerelationship to quiver until it eventually diesnatural death. That's why in any given circumstance, communication has to be given utmost importance. There are so many available media to ensure thatcommunication stays open. From snail mails and phone calls to chat systems and e-mails or e-cards. These media can be effective means to convey your hearts desires to your loved ones. Let them know about what you've been doing and thinking because in that way they will feel like they are there with you. This will also help you feel close even though you are miles apart.
two. Send off CARE PACKAGES.
It can be anything --little gift of flowers;collection ofletters he has sent you designed artistically intoscrapbook; or your sweetheart's favorite jewelry -- it's really only limited to your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way is beneficial for both of you. You get to concentrate on gathering these items and putting them together, thus keeping your mind off not being together tocertain extent. Your loved one will see how much effort you put into it and how much you care. Even if it is nothing more thancard,it shows they mean enough to you that you can taketime to let them know. It never takes much money to showlittle love withsmall gift. Trust me, it can meltheart!
three. Keep yourself BUSY.
You couldn't just sit there and wait 'til he comes back to you. What if he doesn't come back at all and all you did was sit and get your tummy flabby, will not that make you just miserable? You will not just be stunting your growth asindividual inprocess but you'd also be developing emotional insecurities. In order to avoid that, you have to focus yourself on other things while waiting. Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with your creative nature. If you arehomebody, you can read tons of books which can help you grow intellectually and emotionally or you can choose to lounge before your computer and surf for hours to learn invaluable things overinternet. It'sendless "ways-to-make-yourself-busy" list and it is up to you to decide whichever you're interested to get involved in. But remember, being "busy" is notexcuse to forget your "special days" and worse yet, your loved one. You are doing it not just to occupy yourself but also to allow yourself to grow even with your lover's absence.
four. HONESTY isbest policy.
The path to true intimacy and connection especially inlong distance relationship is through "total honesty" to each other infullest sense ofwords. By being authentic and telling your full truth to your loved one about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc., you are gradually building upzone of confidence and comfort for both of you. This is very essential if you want your relationship to really last. Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can work forwhile but it will not take much time until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, "acting out," etc. I know, sometimes, telling your whole truth can be difficult and even scary, but it will result inkind of relationship that you really want--relationship where allcards are laid intable.
five. The value of TRUST
Trust isvery fundamental aspect in any relationship. That is because having trust inrelationship takes away doubt. When you trust someone you never have to question their motivation about anything and with mutual trust that relationship is solid. You must learn to be true torelationship and must never give way to insecurities, strange feelings, suspicions and quick impulses because these will only bring your relationship down. Don't push away negative comments, or advice. Just trust in yourself and your partner. If you two are true to each other and have no hidden motives then you'll be alright. Remember "Love never fails."
six. COMMITMENT ishabit notachievement
In every relationship, it ismust to be able to learn how to commit and be committed. For most long distance relationships,very reason why they fail is because both parties couldn't go on withcommitment and they feel too weak to withstandtribulations of time.If you have committed yourselves to each other without shilly-shallying, then you havegood promise ahead of you.Your comitment to each other will keeppassion alive andfires burning thus sustaininggrowth ofrelationship.
seven. PATIENCE isvirtue.
Being inlong distance relationship requires being steadfast and persevering. If you aren't this kind of person and you're involved inlong distance relationship, then as much as now, you better try to learn to be patient. Focus your attention on allpositive aspects ofrelationship and never give your hopes up. Showing that you value your partner andrelationship and that you are willing to work patiently through it will let them know you truly love them.
eight. WEBCAM
This is applicable only for those who havecomfort of having their own personal computers at home.But for those who do not, there are computers-for-rent in cafe's with webcams already attached tocomputer system. Havingwebcam is actually very fun and exciting. Even if you aren't together but looking at each other's face inbroad screen makes you feel like you're just so close, so near to your loved one. My boyfriend and I use Yahoo messenger to express our emotions with smileys and it's melting my heart to see him smile incam when he gets my messages.
nine. Make special occasions SPECIAL.
It is not everyday thatspecial day comes so when it does, it must be celebrated no matter how far apart you are. When I speak of special occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day. During these occasions, you can plan out some heavy-duty phone call orextended online time forevening. Regardless of whether you talk every night orcouple timesweek, be sure you both carve out some time for that particular night. If you're too stingy to settle onlengthy phone call, but have cheap and unlimited online access, plan to send instant messages to each other or meet inprivate chatroom somewhere. If you can't be together, at least you can be "talking" and "spending some private moments together".
onezero. ENJOY LIFE!
Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your "life" is taken away with him as he sets on for greener pastures. You have your own life to live and you must live it up topurpose you were created for, with or without your loved one.Anyway, we have our family and friends. What are these social beings surrounding us created for anyway?
Remember,there are definite hardships associated with this relationship style but it is important that those who thrive inlong distance relationship seesuffering, difficulties, distance and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing upmaturity in their relationship. The best you can do is to strive to bebest of who you are asperson while your partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are alreadyfull-grown individual whom he will love even more and be more proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy in knowing that acrossmiles there is someone who thinks you are so special, they are willing to engage interrible thing such aslong distance relationship. Keep in mind that your suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was back then.
Rachelle Arlin Credo isentrepreneur and relationship coach. She also works asimage consultant and part-time writer. Her stories, articles, essays and poetry have been published in various magazines and online publications.
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