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Lover's Quarrel |
by:
Rachelle Arlin Credo |
One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and giggling with all your might. Thenfew minutes later, you begin yelling and berating each other andlover's quarrel is already in progress. A little bantering was all it took to stoke uprising emotional tension.
Every now and then, no matter how close and intimatecouple is,argument occasionaly looms to createtide inrelationship. Although sometimes it shakesrelationship down to its very core, if handled well, it is healthy and
can help create lasting relationships. Here islist of what couples like you usually argue about and what you should do whenever you are faced with another petty bickering.
Jealousy
Jealousy isnatural human emotion. It is not negative in itself. How people react to jealous feelings make it negative.
Usually, jealousy stems fromlack of trust or lack of assurance from one's partner. It can also come fromlow self-image orinferioriy complex. If you'rejealous one, learn to act by reason and not by emotion. Your jealousy is justproduct of your own mental-emotional patterns that only exist in your head. Just because your lover admired something about another person, does not mean that you are loved any less, or thatperson is more attractive than you are. Voice out how you feel to your partner so that you can discuss things and he can help you alleviate your jealousy. If your partner isgreen-eyed monster, assure him of your devotion and reassure him of his innate worth as your love mate. Perhaps your partner needs more attention and affection than you are giving him.
Individual Differences
When you first met, it may besimilarities you found with each other that instantly createdbond and rapport. However, as you knew each other better, it's your differences that potentially fashionedstrength of your relationship. Hence, it is important that you valuedifferences that make you unique ascouple. Perhaps, there might be times when you may want to change your partner into your view of his potential. But even if you'd succeed in your crusade, chances are you'd lose respect for him for allowing you to have done it and for not havingpersonal strength to be himself. So it is better that you both learn to compromise and meet halfway everytimeconflict surges. Be ready to recognize each other's weaknesses and learn to appreciate whatother has to offer. Instead of seeing yourselves as separate individuals, practise seeing each other asaspect of yourselves. In this way you shatterillusion of separation and bridgegap that's keeping you asunder.
Unmet Expectations
Whendispute recurs but too many times likebad case of athlete's foot but you have no clue as to what's really causingproblem, odds are it was because your partner did not meet your expectations or he did not meet yours. When expectations are not met,spat usually ushers in. Depending onexpectations you may want to concede in your relationship, it is highly commendable that you bring your expectations upfront fromvery start ofrelationship. Determine which expectations are most important to you and which are most important to your partner. Spend some time tossing around what you both desire and need fromrelationship and what you must have and will not tolerate from each other. Remember, love works best when it involves both give and take.
You are-Wrong-I am-Right Attitude
Instincts often tell us not to give up and admit defeat in times of disagreements especially if we are certain that we are right. But come to think of it, does it really matter who's right and who's not? Inrelationship, it is never good to assert too much if it means you could hurt your partner. Let go of having to "be right!" If you must speak up, do it lovingly. Never tell your partner that he is wrong straight inface. If you do this, you may just stirstorm inteacup and set aboutviolent outburst. Instead of having to be RIGHT, decide between your mate that it is more important to be HAPPY. Discuss inloving way areas of mutual concern then agree on certain terms so that you prevent yourselves from meshing with future disagreements.
Money Matters
When you're going throughhoneymoon phase of your relationship, money may not be much ofissue. Nonetheless, asrelationship progresses, power struggles and control issues around money may just start surfacing. This creates tension that if not resolved, can putserious damper onrelationship. Where critical differences exist in your financial expectations, try to negotiate. Work outway of managing your finances that gives you both some control. In any case, if one is earning more thanother, he/she shouldn't hold allcontrol because even ifother is contributing less infinancial aspect, that does not mean he/she is contributing any less in other areas ofrelationship. Over all of this, if there are still issues, sit and talk things over. Discussion and cooperation may not confer instant solutions to difficult financial issues, but knowing you and your partner agree about how to approachsituation will help maintainzing in your relationship.
Arguments by nature are difficult and can even be hurtful and frustrating. And yet, they arenormal natural aspect of any relationship. Likesalt to meat dishes, they add flavor tolives of couples and help build better relationships. Onother hand, if disputes are handled poorly, they can also potentially wreckstrong relationship. So, in order to avoid this, every disagreement should be carefully handled inway that would boost relationship satisfaction and paveway for new growth together. Truly, it's fun to fight and make up (and out) after knowing you have worked together through it all.
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